Where the Rubber Hits the Road

The wisdom of Will Rogers ... Will Rogers, died in a 1935 plane crash,  Some of his sayings: 1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman.  Neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. 12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good...

Two of my favorite things: faith and food! I hope these programs will be available in Canada. It does though put me in mind of my favorite New Year's prayer.  " Dear God. This 2012 I would like a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix them up like you did last year! Amen. " Delia Smith wants to do for Catholicism what she has done for cooking - Telegraph

Here's a little 'tidbit' that I found on a friend's facebook page: WHAT????  God's sense of humor... While creating wives, God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. And then He made the earth round

This is an old joke by Emo Philips, once ranked as the funniest religious joke of all time : Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region....

Some oldies but some new ones as well in this latest version of bulletin bloopers. My favorites are: "The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. " and "Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. " Socon or Bust » Blog Archive » Church Ladies with Typewriters

HEALTH MESSAGE:               1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.               2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.               3. A rabbit runs and hops around all day, and only lives 15 years.               4. A tortoise doesn't run, doesn’t hop, it does nothing .. yet lives for 450 years..               AND YOU WANT ME TO EXERCISE!

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?" Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday.. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat." The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?" Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all." With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile...

For all my grammatically correct friends. On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,"This is a powerful medicine. You take only a  teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' " When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want." The  man was encouraged.  As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"   "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon." He was very eager t...

  A joke coming from Egypt: "The Tunisian regime fell on a Friday. Hosni Mubarak resigned on a Friday. Muammar Khadafi has banned Fridays."

A guy goes into a restaurant and is greeted by the hostess, who asks: “Smoking or non-smoking?” “Non-smoking,” he replies. He is seated and the waiter comes over to his table to take his drink order. “I’ll have a Coke,” he states. The waite......r says: “Diet or Regular?” “Um, regular.” “Caffeine or caffeine-free?” “Uh, with caffeine.” The drink is brought to his table and the guy orders his food. The waiter asks what kind of dressing on the salad, “Italian, French, Thousand Island, raspberry vinaigrette?” He says: “Italian,” and the waiter immediately comes back with “regular Italian or fat-free?” “Regular,” says the man, with a hint of impatience in his voice. And it goes on, with the steak order: “how do you want that prepared, rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, or well done?” and “how do you want your vegetables: raw, steamed, baked, boiled, blanched or fried?” and “how would you like your potatoes: baked, French fried, or mashed?” Finally, the poor man has ha...